The Greatest Fall
by TheMacUnleashed
Summary: Castiel can no longer tell if he is far from Heaven, or if Heaven is far from him -and really, it hardly matters anymore. Two-shot drabble collection; will eventually contain spoilers for "Dark Side of the Moon."
1. Fall From Grace

**Disclaimer: **Don't own _Supernatural. _The title of the story comes from a (very good, but irrelevant to the plot) song from Fleetwood Mac, called "Smile at You."_  
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**Author's note: **Funny thing -this fic was supposed to be just about Cas falling from grace, and then I watched last night's episode, and it became a two-shot. Odd how those things happen... also, these are all 100 words.

* * *

_I:_

Anna falls.

Everyone knows of it. It has been a long, long time even for angels since a sibling has Disobeyed.

In the time that follows, Castiel loses track of how often he is asked if she had shown signs of her discontentment to him. The words hurt, much more than they should.

She must have, of course, but he can't recall anything. Castiel hadn't watched closely enough. He hadn't stopped her.

Anna falls, and Castiel stays behind, but somehow Heaven doesn't seem as bright, and for the first time he dares to wonder if Earth holds something Paradise doesn't.

_II:_

Heaven is with him even in Hell; it is inside him, for he is from his Father and his Father is All- but even so, Castiel feels disconnected by the blood and darkness; by Alastair and his hordes' fury as they are forced back.

He barely acknowledges that, though; for he must not know Fear, must not be made less than a Son of Heaven.

He clasps a hand around Dean Winchester's pathetically broken soul; reminds himself that Father and his Siblings are always with him (but even so, Heaven has never seemed as far away as it does now.)

_III:_

For the first time (and not just in the thousands of years they have served together, but in eternity) Castiel doubts Uriel.

This is wrong, he tells himself, for Uriel fought Lucifer, and Uriel was repentant when his words guided the Fallen One to Eden. Uriel is dedicated. Uriel is Good.

And yet… Castiel wonders; wonders if Uriel's pleasure comes from destroying Earth, or from the servitude of Heaven.

He is disappointed, not surprised, when his suspicions are confirmed.

(Doubt in one's Brothers and Sisters is the first step towards falling, but is that still true if they were correct?)

_IV:_

Humans need to connect, Castiel thinks as he watches Dean and Sam. Of course, he's realized this before, but he sees it better when he watches just one soul.

He wonders if angels need that. To really connect seems to require work to be put into a relationship, and yet he cannot remember when he wasn't taking his Siblings for granted, and giving them equal love in response. Does he care for them from habit or truth?

When he tells Dean his doubts about Heaven, there is a silent response in Dean's eyes, and he suddenly understands what connection is.

_V:_

If Castiel were to think about what he is doing, he would surely stop and be reasonable.

Zachariah is his Superior. It is not within his rights to question his judgment, let alone go against direct orders.

And so he doesn't _think_; he just _does_, and writes the sigil on the wall.

The look of shock and hatred on the face of his high-ranking Brother as he is vanquished home haunts him, but he does not; cannot, let it disable him.

He takes Dean and he leaves, and he succeeds in getting away and (because?) he doesn't consider the consequences.


	2. Fall From Faith

_VI:_

Castiel Rises to find that he has Fallen.

Heaven has forgotten him, he thinks at first, for he _was_ dead, after all. Perhaps that is why he feels only the slightest bit of Grace within him, just enough to make him an Angel instead of a Man.

Almost as soon as he thinks that, he knows it is wrong. Whatever power brought him back was far too great to have been overlooked. They have simply left him behind, stripped of his former glory and grace.

Heaven has lost faith in him, and for the first time his own conviction begins to waver.

_VII:_

When he kills a Brother for the sake of a man, Castiel realizes that Heaven's actions were justified. If he had all of his Grace, he would surely use it to storm into Heaven and wage war.

Still, as his sword pierces Light and Wing, he feels something dangerously close to hate. How have they retreated so far from Father's Will? Mankind was created in Him image, and Castiel fights only for mankind.

(It occurs to him that perhaps it is Father's job to protect His other helpless sons, but that thought is thrust out as he stabs another Sibling.)

_VIII:_

Jimmy Novak never wore any jewelry besides his wedding ring, and maybe that's why the amulet that Castiel takes from Dean feels so unnatural. It hangs around his neck, heavy and glaringly obvious.

But, everything is odd about being in a vessel. He accepts the minor discomfort without any complaints.

Eventually, he comes to think that the amulet was hanging as burden that chained him to his quest. Leaving it would be freeing himself from the difficulties of upholding faith, and that would be weak of him.

He never used to need something to remind him of his faith, but times are changing.

_IX:  
_

When he takes Dean's amulet, Castiel promises that he will not let himself lose faith. Rather, he will expand it, finding faith in Dean, in Sam, in that they will stop this. That they will stand against their foes in the end, with Father on their side. That soon, the amulet will burn against his skin. And he does.  
But, slowly, he loses hope. Hope is not faith, he tells himself; and it's only the hope that his brothers will stand with him. It will not hurt him to stop deluding himself.  
He thinks that when he returns the amulet as well.  
_  
X:_  
Heaven is gone. Father is gone. He has no reason to keep his faith.  
He does anyway.  
It is faith not in that they will end it, but in that it will be over soon.  
He does not pretend that they are the same things, but they keep him moving. Faith in the End moves him along, dumb and dazed and utterly alone, even with Sam and Dean next to him.  
He condemns everything else. Let Heaven fall; let the Humans only keep their belief in Father.  
When the end comes, he will not have lost anything more, and he desires that above all else.


End file.
